My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
