Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Let's get the cat blown out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
