How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My bed smells like the plague
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
