In the future we'll all be gay
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
