I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
