I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
