my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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