so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
