so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize