is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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