does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
