I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
wrigley field is MILF paradise
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
