ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
