i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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