just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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