The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize