return my video game
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize