I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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