put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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