found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
