Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
