I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
