I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize