Plan B is the new Plan A
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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