3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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