Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
