there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize