Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i think im in europe. pls send help
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
