I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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