You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
