You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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