You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
