i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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