i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
