so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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