my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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