the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
