feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
