i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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