I looked at my own cervix.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
