He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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