sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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