yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
