Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
