If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
