I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
