My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
