im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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