I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
