Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize