i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
