She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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