Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In other news, I just burned my penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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