I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
