I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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