my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
