Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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