I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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