My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
