Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That accounts for only three of the penises
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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