I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
