I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
