My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize