I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
