Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
