Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize