By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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