guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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